“…most people considering marriage are just too underdeveloped, too selfish, too self-absorbed, too self-centered, or just too immature for the gargantuan task of sharing their lives with an equal partner!”
Whoa! Who said that? Actually, it was me! That’s a quote from my first self-help book, Don’t Get Married…Unless: Know When, to Whom, and IF you Should Tie the Knot – and How to Fortify Your Marriage Once You Do. My new book was just published in May 2013 and only took me 10 years to complete!!! Writing professional books and international lecturing took precedence. But it’s wonderful to have this book finished and out into the world to hopefully make a contribution for healthier couple relationships.
I wrote this book with much stronger pronouncements about my own ideas than was common in the writing of professional books. It was an enjoyable venture and I believe it is a better book than it would have been had I finished it 10 years ago. This is partly because I have counseled many more couples in Canada and other countries during the past few years. Several examples of couples with whom I have worked are sprinkled throughout the book. Also, I have hopefully gleaned 10 more years of wisdom and learning about what makes relationships, particularly couple relationships, work well and what doesn’t.
That is why I can make confident statements in the book like: “Bad marriages don’t just happen to bad people. They mostly happen to good people who aren’t good for each other and didn’t have the maturity and skills necessary to embark on a marriage.”
And daring comments like: “When conflict, disappointment, or hurt arises (and it will), talk about it within forty-eight hours or not at all”. This principle can fortify a marriage and prevent dumping on your partner after storing up grievances that often become magnified and even distorted over time.
The book is divided into three sections! In the first section, I present the blazing red flags that couples should never ignore and never proceed to marriage if they appear (e.g.: if either partner is possessive, jealous, or needy). The next section is how to prepare you for marriage (e.g.: learn how to take an interest in your partner and be interesting). And the third section is for those already married where I offer the three pillars that will fortify your marriage (e.g.: regular time together; regular praise and affection; and regular intimacy).
It is my hope that this new book will assist those who read it to know the signs of potentially unhealthy relationships; when to run in the opposite direction when the red flags appear; what are the essential skills to prepare for marriage; and how to fortify your marriage once you do enter this most sacred of all relationships. Marriage is NOT for everyone and certainly not for those who are not able to give their love away. But marriage, especially good marriages, can offer some of the richest, treasured, and most amazing experiences of one’s life.
This summer I am embarking on my first book tour that will begin in Canada with short talks and signings at independent bookstores. Another new adventure!
If you don’t live in Canada this summer, you can easily obtain a copy of this book from Amazon.com, Amazon.ca, Kindle, 4th Floor Press or directly from me. You can read a review of my book by Dr Janice Bell at http://www.janicembell.com/2013/06/book-review-dont-get-married-unless-by-lorraine-m-wright-rn-phd. This book will hopefully be useful and informative if you wish to assess your current relationship; or fortify your current marriage; or as a present for the 20 to 40 somethings in your life who are contemplating or preparing for marriage. If you have already had an opportunity to read my new book, please offer a review at Amazon or directly on my own website. Thank you in advance.